joke.id,joke.ts,joke.title,joke.content,joke.category_1_x_joke_id
21,"2018-04-12 01:21:39","Car Accident Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions. The police chief asks, ""What were the people doing on the bus?"" The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun. The chief asks, ""Yeah, but what else were they doing?"". The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle. The chief says, ""Oh! They were drinking, huh??!"" The chief continues, ""Okay, were they doing anything else?"" The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking. The chief loses his patience, ""If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"" The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.","{
    ""21"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 21,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
22,"2018-04-12 01:21:45","Caterpillar Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day? Turns over a new leaf! What does a cat go to sleep on? A caterpillow! What's green and dangerous? A caterpillar with a machine gun! What pillar doesn't need holding up? A caterpillar! What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat! What has stripes and pulls a tractor? A caterpillar tractor! Where do French caterpillars go to die? In the Catercombs. What did the caterpillar say to the sapling? Where's the leaf. How do caterpillars order the lastest fashions? Caterloges What's a caterpillar's favorite weapon? A caterpolt! What's colorful and sails the open seas? A catermaran. Where did Bill Cosby order his sweaters? in Caterloges I felt so guilty after I stepped on that caterpillar this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed. Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a colorful caterpillar sitting next to him. ""Are you a caterpillar?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The caterpillar replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""22"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 22,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
23,"2018-04-12 01:21:50","Cat Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? A. She's smoking a cigarette. Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A: A terrified postman! Q: What do you call a pile of kittens? A: a meowntain Q: When is a lion not a lion? A: When he turns into his cage! Q: Why don't cats like online shopping? A: They prefer a cat-alogue. Q: What did the cat on the smart phone say? A: Can you hear meow? Q: Why are cats so good at video games? A: Because they have nine lives! Q: What do you call a flying cat? A: I'm-paws-sible. Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? A: I'm paw! Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? A: She had a litter of mittens. Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother's sister? A: An aunt-eater! Q: Who are cats going to vote for in November? A: Hillary Kitten. Q: Why shouldn't you kidnap the kitten, Keanu? A: Because curiousity killed the cat burglar. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? A: Kitty Perry Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? A: None, because they were copycats! Hell yeah I'm a catholic i've been addicted to cats my whole life Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon? A: A car-pet Q: What do tigers wear in bed? A: Stripey pyjamas! Q: Why did the cat wear a dress? A: She was feline fine. Q: What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? A: The purrpatrator. Q: How do you get a wet pussy? A: Put it in the shower. Q: Why did the cat put the letter ""M"" into the fridge? A: Because it turns ""ice"" into ""mice""! Q: What is smarter than a talking cat? A: A spelling bee! Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer? A: To keep an eye on the mouse! Q: What is the most breathless thing on television? A: The Pink Panter Show! Q: What did the cat say when he lost his toys? A: You got to be kitten me. Q: What is a cat's favorite color? A: Purrrple! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo? A: A stripey jumper! Q: Why did the cat sleep under the car? A: Because he wanted to wake up oily. Q: What do you get if you cross a chick with an alley cat? A: A peeping tom. Q: What did the alien say to the cat? A: Take me to your litter. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar? A: A sourpuss! Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army? A: They both wear stripes! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A: A stripey sweater! Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas? A: Because he has sandy claws! Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? A: 'Pleased to eat you.'! Q: Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? A: Just kitten. Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? A: Frostbite! Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding? A: Chocolate mousse! Q: What looks like half a cat? A: The other half! Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater? A: 'Claws.' Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger? A: A stri-ped! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A: A stripey sweater! Q: What do you call a cat that wears make up? A: Glamourpuss. Q: What do cats like to read? A: Cat-alogues! Q. What kind of sports car does a cat drive? A. A Furrari. Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? A: 'Pleased to eat you.'! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? A: Frostbite! Q: What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor? A: Bad Blood. Q: What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? A: Purrr-suasive. Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck? A: a duck-filled platy puss. Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.' Q: What is a lion's favorite food? A: Baked beings! Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian? A: He felt funny! Q: What's striped and bouncy? A: A tiger on a pogo stick! Q: What is the cat's favorite TV show? A: The evening mews! Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? A: Smack a lion! Q: What is a cat's favorite dance move? A: The Purr-colator. Q: Why was the cat scared of the tree? A: Because of its bark. Q: What do you feed an invisible cat? A: Evaporated milk. Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs? A: Hailing taxi cabs! Q: How is cat food sold? A: Usually purr can! Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A: A tiger moth! Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? A: 'Let us prey.' Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A: A catastrophe! Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China? A: Chairman Miaow! Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A: A cat-a-logue! Q: What do you call a cat race? A: A meowathon. Q: Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? A: Because it ""littered"" Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? A: An octopuss! Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross? A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit! Q: When the cat's away.....? A: The house smells better! Q: What is a cats favorite vegetable? A: As-purr-agus. Q: Did you know that cats designed the great pyramids of Giza? A: It was all drawn out on paw-pyrus. Q: What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A: A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night! Q: Did you hear about the passenger who had to be escorted off the airplane? A: She let the cat out of the bag. Q: Why are cats so good at video games? A: Because they have nine lives! Q: What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote? A: Paws Q: Did you hear about the cat that thought she was a dog? A: She was purr-plexed. Q: What do cats like to eat on sunny days? A: Mice cream cones! Q: What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box? A: A pet project. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? A: Santa Claws! Q: What kind of car does a fat cat drive? A: a Catillac! Q: Why was the cat so small? A: Because it only ate condensed milk! Q: What do you call Long John Silver when he has a cat on his shoulder? A: A purr-ate! Q: What do you call a cat that smells good? A: prrrr-fume. Q: Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark? A: Curiousity killed the cat. Q: How do the Vietnamese like their soup? A: Purrrrrfect. Q: What is a cats favorite kitchen tool? A: The ""whisker"". Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? A: An eskimew! Q: What is a cats favorite book? A: The prince and the paw-purr. Q: What did the cat say to the dog? A: Check meow-t! Q: What do you call a cat on ice? A: One cool cat. Cat: ""You're not real!"" Nyan Cat: ""At least I have a sparkly rainbow butt."" Q: What is a cats favorite musical instrument? A: Purr-cussion. Q: What do you call a cat that can address the media? A: a Press Kit. Q: What do cats wear at night? A: paw-jamas! Q: What is a felines favorite day of the week? A: Caturday. Q: What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse? A: Ten After One. Q: What do you call a cat that does tricks? A: A magic kit. Q: What do you call a painting of a cat? A: A paw-trait Q: What do you call a cat when it is huge? A: A MEOW-SIVE CAT Q: What do you call a cat that can't stop licking itself? A: Purrr-verted. Q: What do you call a cat that can put together furniture from Ikea? A: an Assembly kit. Q: Why did the cat go to the river? A: Claws it wanted to. Q: What's grumpy cat's favourite ride at Dreamworld in Australia? A: The Paw! Q: What's the first thing you say to a cat? A: HELLO KITTY! Q: What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box? A: Quicksand. Q: What was the special offer at the pet store this week? A: Buy 1 Cat get 1 Flea! Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail? A: Me-ow! Q: What part of a cat has more fur? A: The outside. Q: How do you make cats furry? A: The spin cycle. Q: Did you hear about the cat that climbed the Himilayas? A: She was a sher-paw. Q: Why did the cat cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off! Q: Where does a cat go when he looses his tail? A: The retail store! Q: What do you call a cat that can rough the great outdoors? A: A survival kit. Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claws! Teacher asked, Why is your cat with u in school? Kid says (crying), ""I heard daddy tell mommy, I'm eating that p*ssy when the kids leave!"" My kitten was having trouble watching her Blu-Ray. Turns out she just had the movie on paws. yo cat is so fat when it tried to chase the lazer pointer it made a earth quake. I think I have OCD.....Obessive Cat Disorder. I got rid of my boyfriend. The cat was allergic. Don't tell me a funny cat joke or I'll puma pants. Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect. Cats are like potato chips. You can never have just one. Since my cat is getting old, I'm gonna start calling him GranPAW. Knock Knock Who's there? Cat! Cat who? ""Cat me outside, how bout dat"" My boyfriend came over, saw my litter box, and smugly said, ""Oh, have you got a cat?"" He wasn't so smug when I told him, ""No, it's for company!"" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cat sitting next to him. ""Are you a cat?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The cat replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" Front Seat A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat. ""What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?"" He exclaimed, ""You should take it to the zoo."" The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. ""I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!"" The man replied, ""I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"" Old Cat Lady It was Christmas Eve. A poor old lady was sitting alone, except for her cat, in her tiny house, in front of a small fire. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and the old woman's good fairy appeared in the room. The old woman was astonished, but the fairy reassured her: ""Don't be afraid! I am your good fairy. You are very poor, and all alone at Christmas, so I have come to grant you three wishes, to cheer you up."" The old woman was about to speak, but the fairy held up her hand. ""Wait!"" she said. ""Before you make a wish, think carefully! You will get exactly what you wish for, and no wish can be undone!"" So the old woman sat silently, staring at the fire and thinking. Eventually, she spoke: ""First"", she said, ""I want to be very, very wealthy."" Poof! Immediately, the tiny house was packed with pots full of gold coins, and sacks of bank-notes. There was more money than anyone could spend in an entire lifetime. The old woman looked around and smiled. She thought some more, and spoke again: ""Next"", she said, ""I want to be young and beautiful again, like I was when I was 18."" Poof! The old woman disappeared. In her place sat a beautiful young woman, with smooth, white skin and long, golden hair. The woman looked at her hands and arms, felt her hair, and smiled. ""Third"", she said to the fairy, ""I want you to change my cat into a handsome young prince, who will love me and take care of me all my life!"" Poof! The fairy disappeared, and the cat leapt up from his place by the fire as a handsome young prince. He reached out to the woman, pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her passionately. Then he gazed into her eyes and said: ""Hah! Now you're really going to be sorry that you took me to the vet!"" Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats 1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap. 2. Cats look silly on a leash. 3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place. 4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born. 5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is. 6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers. 7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all. 8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you. 9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain. 10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door. Dingo One day a lady took a dingo to the veterinarian. The doctor looked at the dingo and shook his head. ""I'm sorry your dingo is dead"" said the doctor. ""How could you be so sure"" the lady said. So the man left the room and come back with a labrodore retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor left the room again and come back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor said that the dingo was 100% dead. With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady. ""$400, why $400?"". The doctor replied ""If you had've believed me first it would of been $60"". ""But why still"" the lady insists. To which the doctor says ""Because you had a lab report and a cat scan!""","{
    ""23"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 23,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
24,"2018-04-12 01:21:54","Centipede Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie talkie! What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken? Enough drumsticks to feed an army! Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team? He took too long to put his boots on! What is worse than an alligator with toothache? A centipede with athlete's foot! What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A centipede with chilblains! What has 50 legs but cant walk? Half a centipede! What do you call a guard with 100 legs? A sentrypede! What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg! How tall is the worlds largest centipede? A centi-meter. Did you hear about the two Centipedes in love? They would complete each others centinces. What do you get when you cross an animal rights activist and a centipede? A centient being. Why was the centipede late? Because he was playing ?This Little Piggy' with his friends! I felt so guilty after I stepped on that centipede this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed. Rare Centipede A guy goes hiking and finds a rare poisonous centipede. Wanting to show his drinking buddies he puts it in a small ventilated box. Once he gets it home, the guy decides to take the centipede to his local bar. He taps on the box and says, ""Would you like to go to Charley's with me and have a beer?"" There's no answer from the centipede. He waits a few moments then says, ""How about you and me going to a bar?"" Again, there's no answer. Thinking the centipede can't hear him, the man goes right up to the box and yells, ""Hey! Would you like to go to Charley's and have a drink?!"" A little voice comes out of the box, ""I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a centipede sitting next to him. ""Are you a centipede?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The centipede replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" Football A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, Where were you during the first half? He replied ""Putting on my shoes!""","{
    ""24"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 24,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
25,"2018-04-12 01:21:56","Cheetah Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: Why can't you play cards in the African Savvana? A: Because of all the CHEETAHS! Q: What is Tiger Woods now changing his name to? A: ""LION Cheetah!"" Q: If Tiger Woods is not really a Tiger then what is he? A: A CHEETAH! Q: Why didn't the leapord cross the road? A: He didn't want to get spotted. Q: Which side of a cheetah has the most spots? A: THE OUTSIDE! Q: What animal is bad to sit by when you're takingg a test? A: A cheetah. Q: What's a cheetah running a copy machine called? A: A copycat! Q: Did you hear about the fat cat that lost everything trying to count cards at the casino? A: Cheetahs never prosper. Q: Where does a cheetah sleep? A: Anywhere he wants to! Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A: A terrified postman. Q: What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a snowman? A: Frost-bite! Q: What do you get if you cross a cheetah and a sheep? A: A polka dot sweater. Q: What's spotted and goes round and round? A: A cheetah in a revolving door. Q: Why can't leopards escape from the zoo? A: They always get spotted. Q: What does the cheetah say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ? A: 'Let us prey.' Q: What do you get if you cross a cheetah with a watchdog ? A: A terrified postman ! Q: What's the difference between a cheetah and a lion ? A: A cheetah has the mane part missing Q: Why isn't there gambling in africa. A: because there are to many cheetahs. Q: What is cheetah's favorite food ? A: Baked beings ! Q: On which day do cheetah eat people ? A: Chewsday ! Q: Why don't cheetahs like fast food? A: Because they can't catch it! Q: Why do cheetahs always eat raw meat? A: Because they don't know how to cook. Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cheetah walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cheetah's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the cheetah. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Pickup Truck A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cheetahs. He pulls the guy over and says... ""You can't drive around with cheetahs in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."" The guy says ""OK""... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of cheetahs, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands... ""I thought I told you to take these cheetahs to the zoo yesterday?"" The guy replies... ""I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"" Night of Drinking A man and his pet cheetah walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my cheetah."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the cheetah falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a cheetah."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cheetah sitting next to him. ""Are you a cheetah?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The cheetah replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" How do You? A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her ""How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"" The teacher said ""I don't know, how?"" Jacob then said ""You open the door and put it in there!"" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question ""How do you put a cheetah in the fridge?"" The teacher then replied ""Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"" Jacob said ""No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."" Then he asked another question...""All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"" The teacher a bit confused and said ""The lion?"" Then the student said ""No,the cheetah because he's still in the fridge."" then he asked her just one more question....""If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"" The teacher then says ""You would walk over the bridge."" Then Jacob says ""No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"" She laughs and walks away.","{
    ""25"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 25,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
26,"2018-04-12 01:21:59","Chicken Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken! Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC? A: He wanted to see a chicken strip. Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To cockadoodle dooo something! Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter? A: She was no spring chicken. Q: Which day of the week do chickens hate most? A: Fry-day! Q: How did the headless chicken cross the road? A: in a KFC bucket. Q: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg? A: It eggs-plodes! Q: What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? A: CHICKEN CAESER SALAD (CHICKEN SEES A SALAD) Q: Why did the piece of gum cross the road? A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot. Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother? A: He wasn't what he was cracked up to be! Q: Whats the difference between meat and chicken? A: If you beat your chicken it dies. Q: What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy? A: ""You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!"" Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again? A: Because he was a dirty double-crosser! Q: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken? A: She kicked the bucket! Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A: A brick layer! Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC? A: To see his brother! Q: What kind of chicken grows on a tree? A: Poultry. Q: Why did the cactus cross the road? A: It was stuck to the chicken! Q: Why did half a chicken cross the road? A: To get to its other side! Q: How did the chicken wake up? A: It had an alarm cluck. Q: Why did the chicken join a band? A: Because it already had drumsticks. Q: How do you get a fat chick into bed? A: Piece of Cake. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice? A: He was a double-crosser! Q: What do you call a crazy chicken? A: A cuckoo cluck! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because there were chicks on the other side. Q: What do chickens study in school? A: Eggonomics. Q: What do you call a smelly coward? A: A funky chicken! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because it is an independent female flightless bird. Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road? A: Because it was stuck to chickens bum. Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way? A: She was tickled to death! Q: Why don't chickens like people? A: They beat eggs! Q: Why did the rooster run away? A: He was chicken! Q: What do chickens grow on? A: Eggplants! Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? A: He heard the referee calling fowls Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk? A: Because talk is cheep! Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide. Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole? A: a 10 foot cock that wants to touch someone. Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck? A: A bird that lays down! Q: Why did the chicken go to Burger King? A: To see a chicken strip. Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder? A: She lays hand gren-eggs! Q: Why did the chicken cross the ""net""? A: It wanted to get to the other site! Q: What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day? A: Hendurance. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: So he wouldn't get bocked in traffic. Q: Why did McDonald's run out of chicken McNuggets? A: The farmer counted his chickens before they hatched. Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way? A: He wanted to lay it on the line! Q: If the Rooster layed an Egg on a roof, witch way would the egg roll? A: Nowhere because roosters don't lay egg. Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon? A: They go on peck-nics! Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover? A: The Cluck o'the Irish! Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties? A: Coop-cakes! Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? A: An eggroll! Q: How do chickens bake a cake? A: From scratch! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road roll in mud and cross the road again? A: Because he was a dirty double crosser Q: What did the sick chicken say? A: ""I have the people-pox!"" Q: How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend? A: In a HEN-velope! Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg? A: The bombshell! Q: What does an alarm cluck say? A: ""Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!"" Q: What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison? A: A Hensemble. Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan! Q: Why did the t-rex cross the road? A: Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He wanted to get to the chicken strip club. Q: How does a rooster kiss his girlfriend? A: With his pecker. Q: Why don't chickens wear pants? A: There peckers on their face. Q: What do you call someone who steals chicken? A: A Chicken Pot Pirate. Q: There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. how many didn't? A: 10! 30 cows and 20 cows 8 chickens!!! get it? Q: Why did the pervert cross the road? A: Because he couldnt get his cock out of the chicken. Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road? A: Because they were chicken Q: What do you call a bird that's afraid to fly? A: Chicken. Q: Why did the chicken stand in the middle of the road? A: Coz he wanted to play squash! I hope one day chickens will be able to cross the road without being judged on their motives. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. A chicken was going to America, his friend was asked where he was going. He said ""I don't know where he is going, but I do know he is not going to Kentucky."" 30 cows on a farm. 28 chicken how many didn't? 2 because 20 ate chicken. Girl, if you were a chicken you'd be impeccable. Psychiatrist: What seems to be the problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long as this been going on? Patient: Ever since I came out of my shell. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock Who's there? THE CHICKEN Person1: Guess what? Person2: What? Person1: Chicken Butt Person1: Guess Who? Person2: Who? Person1: Chicken Poo Person1: Guess how? Person2: How? Person1: Chicken Cow. Moral Of The Story A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, ""I think I can stand over the hole!"" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, ""Grab for my penis and pull yourself up."" And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. Moral of the Story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks. Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a chicken walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the chicken's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the chicken. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet chicken walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my chicken."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the chicken falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a chicken."" Henrietta Why did the chicken cross the road? Here's the story.Henrietta was a chicken one day she heard the farmer saying ""If this chicken does not lay eggs we will have to kill her."" When Henrietta heard this she crossed the road and went to the farmers market bought a carton of eggs and raced across the road back to the farm. Every day she will do this.That is why the chicken crossed the road. Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a chicken sitting next to him. ""Are you a chicken?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The chicken replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" The Library One day the Library was lonely with no one in it for the librarian to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching ""bouk bouk."" The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching ""bouk bouk."" The librarian once again jumps up and gives each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then again for the third time the chicken return screeching ""bouk bouk"" But this rime being suspicious the librarian gives each chicken only one book because they have still have not returned the other books. As the chickens leave the librarian slowly follows behind to see where all the books are going. The chickens come to a stop and start throwing the books into a pond where some frogs grab the books and throw them behind their back croaking ""red-it red-it""","{
    ""26"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 26,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
27,"2018-04-12 01:21:59","Chimp Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What is a monkey's favorite cookie? A: Chocolate chimp! Who is the Chimps favourite President of recent years? Hairy Truman! Why did the Chimpanzee fail English? He had little Ape-titude! Q: What is a chimp's favourite Christmas carol? A: Jungle Bells! Q: What did the orangutan say to the chimp? A: Ginger's the new black! Q: What is sweet smelling, but cheeky? A: A chim-pansy!! Q: What does a logger say before he cuts down a tree? A: Let the chimps fall where they may. Q: Did you hear about the awful jungle party? A: Somebody forgot to bring the chimps and dip. Q: Where do chimpanzees keep their babies? A: In apricots! Q: What do you call a Chimpanzee that works in a bar? A: A Monkey Wench. Q: What do you call a chimp playing quidditch? A: A hairy potter!! Q: What do you call a baby monkey? A: A Chimp off the old block. Q: What did the male chimp say to the female chimp? A: I go bananas over you! Q: Which day do cheeky chimps like best? A: Ape-ril fools day! Q: What's a chimp's favourite type of computer? A: an Ape-le mac! Q: What do chimps do when they're mad at each other? A: They have a Gorilla war! Q: What's a Chimp's favourite month? A: Ape-ril! Q: Why did the chimp go to the doctor? A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well! Q: What do chimps read? A: The 'apers Q: What's a chimp's favourite drink? A: A sas-gorilla. Q: Why didn't anyone listen to the zookeepers complaints? A: Because he had a chimp on his shoulder. Q: What do you call a fat chimp? A: A chunky monkey. Q: How do you catch a squirel chimp? A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut! Q: What do chimps wear when they are cooking? A: Ape-rons! Q: How do chimps get down the stairs? A: They slide down the banana-ster! Q: What do chimps do when they go mad? A: Go bananas! Q: What's a chimp's favourite pop group? A: Bananarama! Q: What is a chimps's favourite toy? A: A Bab-boom-orang! Q: What sort of key does a chimp need to open a banana? A: A monk-key! Q: What did the chimp say to the other monkey that went crazy? A: You've gone completely ape! Q: What do you call a monkey that succeeds at every sport? A: A chimpion! Q: Where do chimps like to get their hair cut? A: Vidal Baboon! Q: What's a chimpanzee's favourite music band? A: The Gorillaz! Q: What does a zookeeper need when a lion escapes its habitat? A: A bargaining chimp. Q: What did the banana say to the chimp? A: Nothing, bananas don't talk! Q: What happens when monkeys overrun a casino? A: You cash in your chimps. Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a chimpanzee walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the chimpanzee's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the chimpanzee. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet chimpanzee walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my chimpanzee."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the chimpanzee falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a chimpanzee."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a chimpanzee sitting next to him. ""Are you a chimpanzee?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The chimpanzee replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" Front Seat A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a chimpanzee in the front seat. ""What are you doing with that chimpanzee?"" He exclaimed, ""You should take it to the zoo."" The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the chimpanzee again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. ""I thought you were going to take that chimpanzee to the zoo!"" The man replied, ""I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!""","{
    ""27"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 27,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
28,"2018-04-12 01:22:01","Chipmunk Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Two Men Hunting Two men went hunting. One had been an avid hunter; hunting all his life, the other man was a city boy; hunting for the first time. The avid hunter told city boy to sit down and not make a sound. So he did. But when the first man got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. ""I thought I told you to be quiet!"" he said. ""I was when the snake bit me,"" the man said. ""And I was when the bear attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed."" Pickup Truck A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of chipmunks. He pulls the guy over and says... ""You can't drive around with chipmunks in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."" The guy says ""OK""... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of chipmunks, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands... ""I thought I told you to take these chipmunks to the zoo yesterday?"" The guy replies... ""I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"" Nasty Little Boy A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a chipmunk in the other. ""Now Listen here,"" the policeman said, ""Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"" ""In that case,"" said the boy. ""I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"" The Rat and the Chipmunk A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, ""If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"" The Barkeep says ""Depends on how good of a trick it is."" The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, ""If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"" The barkeep says ""If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night.""The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the chipmunk."" Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points tothe drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, ""I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act."" The drunks says ""not for sale"". The agent says, ""Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat.""The drunk say, ""deal"" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, ""Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"" The Drunk says, ""Relax, the chipmunk is a ventriloquist"" Q: Why do chipmunks swim on there back? A: To keep their nuts dry! Q: Why did the chipmunk cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: Why was the chipmunk late for work? A: Traffic was NUTS. Q: How many chipmunks does it take to change a light bulb? A: Actually, none because chipmunks only change bulbs that are NUT broken. Q: Why does it take more than one chipmunk to screw in a lightbulb? A: Because they're so darn stupid! Q: Why can't you be friends with a chipmunk? A: They drive everyone nuts. Q: Why do Chip N Dale sit on their butts all day? A: To keep their nuts dry! Q: What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips? A: A chipmunk. Q: What do you call a chubby chipmunk? A: Theodorable. Q: Why did the chipmunk sleep under the car? A: Because he wanted to wake up oily. Q: Why shouldn't you rape a tree? A: There might be a chipmunk in there looking for nuts. Q: Why don't chipmunks wear skinny jeans? A: Because their nuts won't fit. Q: How does Alvin the Chipmunk like to drive a car? A: Fast and Furry-ous. Q: Why did the chipmunk take apart the classic car? A: To get down to the nuts and bolts. Q: Why couldn't the chipmunk eat the macadamia nut? A: It was one tough nut to crack. Q: Why shouldn't you let Alvin drive a boat? A: He's likely to get Chipwrecked. Q: What do you call 144 chipmunks in a box? A: Gross! Q: How do you catch a carpenter chipmunk (definition: a chipmunk that likes power tools)? A: Go to Home Depot and pretend to be nut-wood. Q: How do you catch a chipmunk interested in ornithology? A: Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis). Q: How do you catch a Polynesian chipmunk? A: Climb a tree and act like a coconut. Q: How can you catch a gay chipmunk? A: Climb a tree and pretend to be an almond (botanically speaking, almonds are fruits). Q: How do you catch a chipmunk with a Pamela Anderson fixation? A: Climb a tree and act like a chestnut. Q: How do you catch a mechanically inclined chipmunk? A: Climb a tree and act like a 9/16 12N nut. Q: How do you catch a chipmunk for the holidays? A: Climb a tree and act like nutmeg. Q: How do you catch an Irish chipmunk? A: Climb a tree and act like a green pistachio nut. Q: How do you catch a European Squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a metric nut. Q: How do you catch an English Squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like nutty. Q: What do you call a man named Alvin who has monkeys that stole your potato chips? A: Alvin and the Chipmunks. Q: How do you catch a rich chipmunk? A: Climb a tree and act like a cashew. Psychologist: What brings you here today? Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat.....Nuts. Nothing makes me more Santa-mental then taking the kids to see an Alving and the Chipmunks movie.","{
    ""28"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 28,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
29,"2018-04-12 01:22:06","Cork In Pig Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes One day, three scientists decided to conduct an experiment that nobody had ever tried before. They decided to leave a cork up a Pigs ass for 3 weeks and at the end of the three weeks they would take the cork out and see what happened. Well, they noticed that after 1 week the pigs legs had turned blue, after 2 weeks its head turned blue and finally, after 3 weeks the entire pigs body had turned blue. So one scientist said to another ""i think it is time to remove the cork"" Well, those scientists set up a room so that the pig was at one end of the room, and the scientists were in a line behind it, like so: Pig Scientist Scientist Scientist And they got a monkey to take the cork out. well, as you can imagine, when the hapless monkey took the cork out of the pigs ass, shit went everywhere. The scientist at the back of the room was up to his knees in it, the scientist in the middle of the room was up to his chest, and they couldn't find the last scientist, so after searching around, they finally found him, and found him laughing hysterically. ""What is wrong with you?"" one scientist asked. ""You have just been buried alive in pig shit and you are LAUGHING!?"" The Third Scientist replied, between his laughter, ""You should have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!""","{
    ""29"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 29,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
30,"2018-04-12 01:22:10","Cougar Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What's a cougar running a copy machine called? A: A copycat! Q: Why did the cougar cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: Where does a cougar sleep? A: Anywhere he wants to! Q: What do you get when you cross a cougar and a snowman? A: Frost-bite! Q: What does the cougar say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ? A: 'Let us prey.' Q: What do you get if you cross a cougar with a watchdog ? A: A terrified postman ! Q: What's the difference between a cougar and a lion ? A: A cougar has the mane part missing Q: What is cougar's favorite food ? A: Baked beings ! Q: On which day do cougar eat people ? A: Chewsday ! Q: Why don't cougars like fast food? A: Because they can't catch it! Q: Why do cougars always eat raw meat? A: Because they don't know how to cook. I saw a cougar and I puma pants! Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cougar walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cougar's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the cougar. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Pickup Truck A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cougars. He pulls the guy over and says... ""You can't drive around with cougars in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."" The guy says ""OK""... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of cougars, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands... ""I thought I told you to take these cougars to the zoo yesterday?"" The guy replies... ""I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"" Night of Drinking A man and his pet cougar walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my cougar."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the cougar falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a cougar."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cougar sitting next to him. ""Are you a cougar?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The cougar replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" How do You? A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her ""How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"" The teacher said ""I don't know, how?"" Jacob then said ""You open the door and put it in there!"" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question ""How do you put a cougar in the fridge?"" The teacher then replied ""Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"" Jacob said ""No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."" Then he asked another question...""All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"" The teacher a bit confused and said ""The lion?"" Then the student said ""No,the cougar because he's still in the fridge."" then he asked her just one more question....""If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"" The teacher then says ""You would walk over the bridge."" Then Jacob says ""No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"" She laughs and walks away.","{
    ""30"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 30,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
31,"2018-04-12 01:22:15","Cow Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Cow Bar Jokes Riding The Train A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. ""What a cute bunch of cows!"" she remarked. ""Not a bunch, herd"", her friend replied. ""Heard of what?"" ""Herd of cows."" ""Of course I've heard of cows."" ""No, a cow herd."" ""What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"" Emergency Room A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. ""Well, it was like this"" said the man. ""I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake."" ""What did you do?"", asked the doctor. ""Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, ""Hey! This looks like yours!"" Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the cow. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Two Cows in a field Two cows were out in a field eating grass. One cow turns to the other cow and says, ""Moooooo!"" ""Hey"", the other cow replies.... ""I was just about to say the same thing!"" Cow Riddle My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course. She's been grazing in the field too long,... And now she thinks she's a horse. Cow Short Jokes Q: Why don't cows have any money? A: Because farmers milk them dry Q: What did mama cow say to baby cow? A: It's pasture bedtime. Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an upset cow? A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood. Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon? A: The farmer had cold hands. Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? A: Beef strokin' off. Q: What do you call it when a mad cow gets loose? A: Udder destruction! Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: To get to the udder side. Q: What do you call a cow you can't see? A: Camooflauged. Q: How easy is it to milk a cow? A: It's a piece of steak. Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? A: Because the cow has the utter. Q: What do cows do while skiing? A: Moo-Guls! Q: How do you make a milkshake? A: Give a cow a pogo stick. Q: What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? A: Bullogna Q: What does a cow put on his french toast? A: Moooolasses. Q: What do you call an evil cow? A: De-mooooon. Q: Why was the cow so scared? A: Because he was a cow-ard. Q: What did the cow say to the cow tipping rednecks? A: Don't moooove a muscle. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er. Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria. Q: What do you call a cow that can cut the grass? A: Mulan. Q: What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake? A: TEA COW! Q: There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. how many didn't? A: 10! 30 cows and 20 cows 8 chickens!!! get it? Q: Which job is a cow most suited for? A: Baker. Because they're making cow pies regularly. Q: ""Where did the cows go last night""? A: ""To the mooon"" Q: Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? A: On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back. Q: What do you call a cow with an assistant? A: Moooooving up in the world. Q: Why can't a cow become a detective? A: They refuse to go on Steakouts! Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon? A: It flies through udder space! Q: What happens when you talk to a cow? A: It goes in one ear and out the udder! Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock. Q: What is a cows favorite colour? A: Maroooooooon. Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk. Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? A: Peanut butter. Q: What do u call a really strong cow? A: Beefy. Q: What do you get when you walk under a cow? A: A pat on the head. Q: How does lady gaga like her steak? A: Raw raw raw raw raw. Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: Cause it didnt want Lady Gaga to make a meat dress out of him. Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A: Milk and Quackers! Q: What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence A: Udder-Catastrophe Q: Where do you find the most cows? A: Moo-York Q: What do cows get when they are sick? A: Hay Fever Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs? A: Because the cow has the udder. Q: What do you call a sad cow? A: Mooooved to tears. Q: Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador? A: He takes the bull by the horns. Q: Where did the bull lose all his money? A: At the Cowsino. Q: What did the cow say to the lousy renter? A: Moooooooooo your self out of here. Q: How can you tell which cow is the best dancer? A: Wait til one busts a moooooove. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that died with a bow and arrow in her hand? A: She hit the bull's eye. Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Their horns don't work. Q: What are the spots on black and white cows? A: Holstains Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow? A: Milk of Amnesia Q: What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math? A: Moo-tiplication Q: Have you ever heard the term ""When Pigs Fly!""...... A: Well what if it were ""When Cows Fly!"" Q: Where do cows go when they want a night out? A: To the moo-vies! Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: Beef Jerky Q: What were the cows doing under the tree? A: Talking about the latest moos. Q: What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed? A: Bull-dozin' Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning? A: ""It's just an udder day"" Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows? A: With a Cowculator Q: Where do Russians get their milk? A: From Mos-cows Q: Did you hear about the snobby cow? A: She thought she was a cutlet above the rest! Q: What's a cow's favorite moosical note? A: Beef-flat Q: What did the cow say to the turtle? A: Get a moove on. Q: What do you call a cow that's afraid of the dark? A: A coward. Q: Why are cows so soft? A: Because they are made out of leather. Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii? A: Moo- moos Q: How does one cow talk to another? A: Cow-munication. Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf? A: Decalfenated Q: Did you hear about the cow that wasn't interested in bulls? A: She was an Ho-Moo-Sexual. Q: Where do cows get their weapons? A: Ar-moooo-ries. Q: Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck? A: Because her horn didn't work Q: Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit? A: They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World! Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A: A MILK DUD! Q: What did the cow say when a person played the piano? A: That's good moooooosic. Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A: An udder failure. Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? A: Ground Beef Q: Where do cows get together? A: The meet market. Q: What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A: a lawn moo-er. Q: What do you call a cow with full armor? A: Sir loin Q: What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? A: A steak-out! Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs? A: Lean Beef Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all? A: Ground beef Q: What band is a cow favorite? A: Moody Blues Q: What do you call a grumpy cow? A: Moo-dy Q: Why did cow jump over the moon? A: Because he wanted to skydive Q: Why is the barn so noisy? A: Because all of the cows have horns. Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains? A: In the cow-boose. Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores? A: Mooooney. Q: What did one dairy cow say to another? A: Got milk? Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven? A: It's a place of udder delight. Q: When is a farmer like a magician? A: When he turns his cow into pasture. Q: Why is a barn so noisy? A: All the cows have horns. Q: What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow? A: Blue cheese! Q: What did the secret agent cow say to the other cow? A: Are you udder cover? Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He's got no beef. Q: What animals do you bring to bed? A: Your calves. Q: What happened to the lost cattle? A: Nobody's herd. Q: Where does a cow stop to drink? A: The milky way! Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a lawnmower? A: A lawnmooer. Q: What is a cows favorite holiday? Answer: Moomorial day Q: How do you stop a bull from charging? A: Take away his credit card! Q: Why don't you tell a cow a secret? A: Because it goes in one ear and out the udder! Q: What does an invisible man drink? A: Evaporated milk! Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper. Q: What newspaper do cows read? A: The Daily Moos. Q: What do you find a gallery of cows? A: The mooseum. Q: What is a cows favorite year? A: Moo thousand seventeen. Q: What do you call I half a cow? A: a calf. Q: What was the first animal in space? A: The cow that jumped over the moon! Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow? A: A steak out. Q: What do you call a magic cow? A: Moodini Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard? A: It Cowlapses! Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull? A: A car only has one horn. Q: What do you get when you give pasta to a cow? A: Beefaroni. Q: What did one cow say to the other? A: Mooooooove over! Q: Did you hear the song about Mad Cow disease? A: It's insane in the methane, insane in the brain. Q: What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom? A: A cow walking backwards! Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow? A: Milk Sheikh! Q: Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation? A: A moo-tel! Q: Why was the cow sad? A: She was moody. Did you know that cows love Marvin Gaye? Yeah, I herd it through the bovine. Q: What do cows read in the mornings? A: The moospaper. Q: What did the farmer say to the cow? A: Produce some milk What did Gladdis the cow say to Brenda the cow when her boyfriend the Bull cheated on her? How Dairy! 30 cows on a farm. 28 chicken how many didn't? 2 because 20 ate chicken. Why do cows have long faces? Because you would have a long face too, if your tits were gettin pulled twice a day Are you the head of your gang when it rains because you keep each udder dry A husband and wife cows are mad at each other so the husband says to his wife, ""You udder hear me out"" If you didn't like that cow joke don't worry, I've got udders.","{
    ""31"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 31,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
32,"2018-04-12 01:22:20","Cris Cross Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk? Winnie the phew! What do you get when you cross a parrot & a centipede? A walkie-talkie! What do you get if you cross a cow and a camel? Lumpy milkshakes What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog? A 6 foot toothbrush. What do you get when you cross a baby goat with a hedgehog? A stuck-up kid What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark? Frostbite What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant? Great big holes all over Australia. What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot! What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla? An animal that puts you out a night! What do you get if cross a cat with a canary? Shredded tweet! What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A cat-a-logue! What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar? A sourpuss! What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary? A peeping tom! What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? Santa Claws! What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese? A Peking Tom! What do you get if cross a Termite with a Dinosaur? Dino-mite! What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Cow? A Turtle-Neck Jersey What do you get if cross a Turkey with a Octopus? Enough Drumsticks for everyone at Thanksgiving What do you get if cross a Food Processor with a Word Processor? Minced Words What do you get when you cross oatmeal & ducks? Quacker oatmeal! What do you get when you cross a wolf and an egg? A very hairy omelette! What do you get when you cross a bank with a skunk? Dollars and scents! What do you get when you cross a Mustang and an elephant? A convertible with a big trunk! What do you get when you cross poison ivy and a four leaf clover? A rash of good luck! What do you get when you cross a cheetah & a hamburger? Fast Food! What do you get when you cross a T-Rex with a dog? Something that drinks out of any toilet it wants to! What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee Bah-Humbug What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a computer? A hairy reasoner. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion? I don't know, but when it speaks you better listen. Q: What do you get when you cross a ghost and a couple of bees? A: boobies What do you get if you cross a daffodil with a crocodile? I don't know but I wouldn't try sniffing it! What do you get when you cross a python with a porcupine? Ten feet of barbed wire. What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockapoodledoo! What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? You either get an onion with long floppy ears, or you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes! What do you get when you cross the worlds best fairy tale teller and the worlds worst mammal A Whale of a Tale What do you get when you cross a blue cat and a red parrot? A purple carrot! Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark ? A: A bird that talks your ear off! Q: What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake ? A: A sing-a-long! What do you get if you cross a kangaroo & a sheep? A wooly jumper! Q: What do you get when you cross a cat, a dog, and an A+? A: Paws-itively purrr-fect! Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? A: A brick layer! What do you get when you cross a bat and a bell? A dingbat! What do you get if you cross a sheepdog and a bunch of daisies? Collie flowers. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros? Elephino! What do you get when you cross a galaxy with a toad? Star Warts! What do you get when you cross a strawberry with a road? A traffic jam! What do you get when you cross a lizard and a baby? A creepy crawler!","{
    ""32"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 32,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
33,"2018-04-12 01:22:23","Crocodile Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Crocodile Short Jokes Q: What do you call an crocodile in a vest? A: An investigator. Q: What's the similarity between a Crocodile and Windows? A: Neither of them has enough bytes! Q: How many arms has a crocodile got? A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner! Q: What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower? A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it! Q: Why don't crocodiles like fast food? A: Because they can't catch it! Q: Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers? A: It's filled with liti-gators. Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS? A: A Navi-gator. Q: What do crocodiles call human children? A: Appetizers. Q: Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas? A: Santa Jaws! Q: What's worse than one crocodile coming to dinner? A: Two crocodiles coming to dinner Q: What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog? A: A croak-odile. Q: Why shouldn't you shoot a crocodile? A: He'll just bite the bullet and make the best of it. Q: Why are crocodiles comedians so funny? A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth! Q: What is a crocodile's favorite drink? A: Gator-ade. Q: What do you get a girl that likes crocodiles? A: All I got her is shoes. Q: What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl? A: An Alley-Gator! Q: What's the difference between a dog and a crocodile? A: One's bark is worst than his bite. Q: What do crocodiles drink before a race? A: Gator-Ade. Q: Why won't crocodiles attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy! Q: What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a rooster? A: A croc-a-doodle-doo. Q: Why shouldn't you taunt a crocodile? A: Because it might come back to bite you in the end. Q: What do yuppie crocodiles like to drink A: Jaw-va Q: What was the nerd crocodiles favorite programming language A: Jaw-va Q: What do you call a crocodile that makes others fight? A: An Instigator. Q: What is an crocodiles favorite smell? A: Human blood. Q: Did you hear about the crocodile who became a congressman? A: He was an expert dele-gator. Q: What do you call a reptile that works on a farm? A: An irri-gator. The news reported that a crocodile had been found in the Artic, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap! Crocodile Bar Jokes Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: ""Do you serve lawyers here?"" ""Sure."" ""Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."" Army Training At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: ""The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment."" An crocodile came in the room and bit the seargents penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off. ""Now who's ready to show their commitment?"" said the Seargent. A man put his hand up and said ""I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."" Double Dare One day, a very rich man announced in a party that if any person present in the party dares to swim across the swimming pool which has more than twenty alligators, he will be awarded with either half of the rich man's property or his beautiful daughter. After a period of silence, the rich man saw a young man splashed into the pool swimming as fast as he can, with all his efforts, saving himself from the alligators. And at last, he survived through the pool. Everybody started clapping. The rich man was overjoyed with the young man's bravery. He congratulated him and then asked what do you want, my property or daughter. To this, the man replied, ""Sir, neither I want your property, nor your daughter, I just want the man who threw me in the water."" Rich Millionaire A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the tails come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the crocodiles are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!' Crocodile Shoes A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting ""I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own ""croc!,"" to which the shopkeeper replied, ""by all means, just watch out for those two ""ole boys"" who are doing the same!"". So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed ""Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"". The Crocodile Does Tricks A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The bartender goes, ""You can't bring that animal in here!"" But the guy says, ""Hey, he does tricks. Watch!"" He taps on the crocodile's head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile's mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile's head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, ""I'll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that."" Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, ""I... I think I can do that. But I don't think I can leave my mouth open that long!"" How do You? A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her ""How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"" The teacher said ""I don't know, how?"" Jacob then said ""You open the door and put it in there!"" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question ""How do you put a girraffe in the fridge?"" The teacher then replied ""Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"" Jacob said ""No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."" Then he asked another question...""All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"" The teacher a bit confused and said ""The lion?"" Then the student said ""No,the girraffe because he's still in the fridge."" then he asked her just one more question....""If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"" The teacher then says ""You would walk over the bridge."" Then Jacob says ""No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"" She laughs and walks away.","{
    ""33"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 33,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
34,"2018-04-12 01:22:26","Deadfish Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, ""Whatcha doing, Tim?"" ""My goldfish died,"" replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. ""And I've just buried him."" The neighbor was concerned. ""That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, ""That's because he's inside your cat.""","{
    ""34"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 34,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
35,"2018-04-12 01:22:29","Deer Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Deer Bar Jokes Two Hunters Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. ""Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."" After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, ""You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"" ""Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck,"" the other added. Wife Goes Hunting It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, ""What are you up to?"" Mary smiles, ""I'm going hunting with you!"" John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: ""If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."" John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, ""Get away from my deer!"" Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, ""Get away from my deer!"" followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, ""Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!""' Two Lawyers Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. The first lawyer announced, ""Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey."" The second lawyer responded,""Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day."" Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. They were still arguing when the train hit them. Deer Meat A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'. The little girl screams to her brother 'Don't eat it, it's an asshole.. Deer Short Jokes What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck. Q: How do you save a deer during hunting season? A: You hang on for deer life. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: I have no I-Deer Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no eye-deer. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls? A: Still no fucking eye-deer. Q: What did the doe say to the 24 point buck? A: Boy your Horny! Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A: Bamboo. Q: Why did the hunter miss his mark? A: He was not aiming deerectly for it. Q: What do you call four female deer? A: FO REAL DOE Q: What did the female Deer say to her Mate when he wanted a Three-way? A: It Might be a Buck more, but I wouldn't buy that for a dollar. Q: Who did Bambi invite to his birthday party? A: His nearest and deer-est friends. Q: What's the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut? A: One is a dollar fifty and the other is just under a buck. Q: What do deers call hunters? A: Doe foes. Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail? A: One that stays off the Highway! Q: Whats the cheapist kind of meat? A: Deer balls there under a buck! A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.","{
    ""35"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 35,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
36,"2018-04-12 01:22:33","Dinosaur Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? A: Because the 'p' is silent Q: What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? A: Tyrannasaurus wreck! Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A: a thesaurus. Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur? A: adoyouthinkhesaurus. Q: What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? A: Baby Dinosaurs. Q: How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? A: Tea Rex? Q: What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? A: Dino-sore. Q: What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? A: Try Sara's Tops Q: Why are dinosaurs no longer around? A: Because their eggs stink. Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes? A: dino-sewer. Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? A: The chicken hadn't evolved yet! Q: Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A: A Stegosaur-rust Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? A: Jurassic Pork! Q: What is a dinosaurs least favorite raindeer? A: Comet. Q: Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? A: Anywhere he wants to. Q: What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A: A Bronto-snorus. Q: Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? A: Because they can't afford new ones! Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet. Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A: A.brocileasoarus Q: What do you call a dinosaurs fart? A: ""A blast form the past"" Q: Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? A: Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus. Q: What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? A: Dino- score! Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? A: Bronto-swore-us. Q: Which dinosaur slept all day ? A: The dino-snore! Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? A. Sir. Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? A. Anything you like, he won't hear you! Q. What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? A. Enormous holes in the base boards. Q. How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? A. By the `D' on his pajamas. Q. How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? A. By the dinosnores. Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? A: Try and try and try and try-ceratops Q: How do you upset a dinosaur? A: Touchasaurus Spot. Q: What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A: A flat Tire-annosaurus ! Q: What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? A: Tomato-saurus Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks ! Q: What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A: A dino-saw ! Q: What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? A: Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex Q: What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? A: Doyouthinkhesawus Q: What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A: A trisara-cop. Q: Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? A: At the dino-shore Q: What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks ! Q: What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? A: Tyrannosaurus tex! Q: Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? A: Cause they don't know how to cook Q: What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? A: OUT of the way!! Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks! Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day! Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken wasn't invented yet. Q: What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A: A Model T-Rex. Q: What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A: A Dinosaucer Q: Which dinosaur is pure evil? A: Daemonosaurus. Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth! Q: What's green and purple and goes up and down? A: Barney in an elevator. Q: What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks. Q: What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? A: Eye-saur. Q: What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? A: Rep Tiles Q: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? A: Ptera Don Q: What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? A: Find somewhere else to sleep! Q: Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? A: Exactly the same as short dinosaurs! Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you. Q: Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? A: Because she had no guts! Q: What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? A: Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex. Q: What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? A: Dino-mite. Q: What was the most flexible dinosaur? A: Tyrannosaurus Flex. Q: Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? A: Because she was a plant eater! Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? A: Because he is a meat eater! Q: What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? A: Dino-sore! Q: What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? A: uthinkhesawrus Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? A: Because they wouldn't take a bath ! Q: What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? A: Two dinosaurs ! Q: What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears ? A: Anything you want, it can't hear you! Q: What does a Triceratops sit on? A: Its Tricera-bottom. Q: What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A: A Bronco-saurus ! Q: What was the scariest prehistoric animal? A: The Terror-dactyl ! Q: What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A: A Stegosaurus on roller skates! Q: What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A: A Tricera-hops! Q: What family does Maiasaur belong to? A: I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one! Q: What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A: A flat Tire-annosaurus ! Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks ! Q: What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A: A Stegosau-rust ! Q: What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A: A spelling bee ! Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? A: Try-Try-Try-ceratops ! Q: What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A: A dino-saw ! Q: Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A: A dino-sewer ! Q: Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? A: Tricera-cops ! Q: What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? A: Rep. Tile! Q: Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? A: To the dino-shore ! Q: Where did Velociraptor buy things? A: At a dino-store! Q: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A: A Diplodocus with a sore throat! Q: How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? A: One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore! Q: How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? A: The door won't close! Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? A: My-feet-are-saurus Q: How do you make a dinosaur float? A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur ! Q: When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? A: When it's not raining! Q: Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? A: Any kind! A house cannot jump! Q: What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A: A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich! Q: What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? A: Cheer him up! Q: What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? A: Dino-mite. Q: Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? A: Because no one ever tells them anything! Q: What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? A: Anything she wants! Q: What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? A: The strawberry is red! Q: Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? A: So she could hide in the strawberry patch! Q: What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? A: Strawberry jam ! Q: What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? A: Find somewhere else to sleep! Q: Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? A: Exactly the same as short dinosaurs ! Q: What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? A: More than the dinosaur ! Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth ! Q: How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? A: As fur as you can get! Q: Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? A: Because they don't know how to cook ! Q: What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? A: Baby dinosaurs! Q: Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? A: In the dark! Q: Did the dinosaur take a bath ? A: Why, is there one missing? Q: Why does a brontosaurus have a long neck? A: Because it's feet smell. Q: What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A: A toothbrush. Q: What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? A: The letter ""s""! Q: Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? A: At the dead-letter office! Q: What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? A: Her shadow! Q: What's green and hangs from trees? A: Dinosaur snot. Q: What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? A: Out of the way! Q: What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? A: Long distance! Q: What dinosaur is always sad? A: Cryalotosaurus Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? A: Hello, hello! Q: Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? A: That depends on how fast you carry it! Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A: A dino-mite Q: What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A: A Snore-a-sorus Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus","{
    ""36"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 36,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
37,"2018-04-12 01:22:41","Dogfight Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes A man walks into a bar one day and asks, ""Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"" ""Yeah, I do!"" a biker says, standing up. ""What about it?"" ""Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."" ""What are you talkin' about?!"" the biker says, disbelievingly. ""How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"" ""Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!""","{
    ""37"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 37,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
38,"2018-04-12 01:22:42","Dog Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? A: Terrier-fied! Q: Why did the dog cross the road? A: To get to the ""barking"" lot! Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have? A: A bloodhound! Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? A: He stole the show! Q: What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A: A golden receiver! Q: What does my dog and my phone have in common? A: They both have collar I.D. Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? A: Dingo Starr! Q: What do you call a dog magician? A: A labracadabrador. Q: What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A: a Greyhound Buzz. Q: Why wouldn't the dog sit on his chair? A: Because he left his sheet[shit] on there. Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates? A: Aware wolf. Q: Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart? A: He was CON-fused! Q: What do you call a frozen dog? A: A pupsicle. Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy? A: bonappetite Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A: A friend you can count on. Q: Did you hear about the dog who couldn't stop talking like a horse? A: It was a dog and pony show. Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly? A: The collie wobbles! Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog? A: A dusky husky! Q: What do you call a cold dog? A: A Chilli Dog. Q: How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale. Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog? A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road! Q: When does a dog go ""moo""? A: When it is learning a new language! Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? A: Because you can't bury them in trees! Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? A: He was trying to make both ends meet! Q: What kind of dog chases anything red? A: A Bulldog. Q: What state do dogs like? A: New Yorkie. Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light! Q: What is a dogs favorite instrument? A: A trombone. Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A: A collie-flower! Q: What's a dog's ideal job? A: Barkeology Q: Why do dogs wag their tails? A: ""Because no one else will do it for them!"" Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot? A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw! Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive? A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog. Q: What is the dogs favorite city? A: New Yorkie! Q: What do you call a dog that goes to the bathroom indoors? A: A pet project. Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian? A: Growlcho Marx! Q: What do dogs and story tellers have in common? A: They both have tails! Q: What kind of dog likes taking a bath? A: a shampoodle! Q: What happens when a dog chases a cat into a geysur? A: It starts raining cats and dogs. Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie? A: ""Well, doggone!"" Q: How can if you have a stupid dog? A: It chases parked cars! Q: What is a dog's favorite sport? A: Formula 1 drooling! Q: What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk? A: A Great Dane out! Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter.... he's not going to come anyway. Q: What dog can jump higher than a tree? A: Any dog can jump higher than a tree, trees cant jump. Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema? A: Anywhere it wants to! Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy? A: ""I must throw that doggie out the window!"" Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers? A: Because his boots were at the menders! Q: Why does a dog lick his own dick? A: Because he cant make a fist Q: Why does the dog bring toilet paper to the party? A: Because he is a party pooper. Q: What is a dog's favorite food? A: Anything that is on your plate! Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat? A: A hot dog! Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it? A: A sausage dog! Q: What did the cat say to the dog? A: Check meow-t! Q: What do you do if your dog eats your pen? A: Use a pencil instead! Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah? A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them! Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs? A: You can step in a poodle! Q: What do you call a dog that licks an electrical socket? A: Sparky. Q: Where did the dog fall asleep? A: In the barking lot. Q: What do you call a dog that swallows a ball? A: Ballshit. Q: What's a dogs favorite kind of pizza? A: Pupperoni. Q: What time is it when ten dogs chase a cat? A: Ten After One. Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex? A: A watch dog. Q: Why was the cat scared of the tree? A: Because of its bark. Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear? A: A petticoat! Q: What do you call a dog with a fever? A: A hot dog. Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Right where you left him. Q: What happens when you name your dog after Tiger Woods? A: You give a dog a bad name. Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion? A: A terrified postman! Q: Why can't dogs work the DVD remote? A: Because they always it the Paws button! Q: What did the dog say to the sandpaper? A: Ruff. Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic? A: His bark was much worse than it's bite! Q: What do you tell the guy who says he has a bulldog and shih tzu mix? A: Bullshit Q: Why wasn't the dog a smooth talker? A: Because all he ever said was ""Rough, Rough"" Q: What do you call a dog with a surround sound system? A: a Sub-woofer. Q: What do dogs eat for breakfast? A: Pooched eggs. Q: What is a dogs favorite flower? A: Anything in your garden! Q: What dog wears contact lenses? A: A cock-eyed spaniel! Q: What's more amazing than a talking dog? A: A Spelling Bee. Q: Why do all dogs go to Heaven? A: Because Michael Vick is in Hell. Q: What kind of dress shoe does Michael Vick wear? A: Hush Puppies! Q: What's a dog favorite hobby? A: Collecting fleas! Q: What did the dog say to the tree? A: Bark Q: How does a dog stop a video? A: By pressing the paws button. Q: Why did the dog sleep under the car? A: Because he wanted to wake up oily. Q: What is the fastest dog in the world? A: A Labraghini. Q: Where do you put barking dogs? A: In a barking lot. Q: What was the special offer at the pet store this week? A: Buy 1 Dog get 1 Flea! Q: Where do dogs go after their tails fall off? A: The re-tail store. Q: What did the dog say to the flea? A: Stop bugging me! Q: What do you call a dog that can use the toilet? A: A ""poo-dle"" Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny? A: a chili dog on a bun! Q: Why did the dog stay in the shade? A: Because he did not want to turn into a hot dog. Q: Why did the dog bury himself in the back yard? A: Cause you can't grow a tree without bark. Q: What do you do when your dog goes missing in the forest? A: Put your ear to a tree and listen for the bark. Q: What do you do when the UPS man apologizes for smashing your stuff? A: You call off the dogs. Q: What do you call a cross between a matador and a cute little puppy dog? A: ""A cocker Spaniard."" Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal? A: That hit the spots! Q: Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog? A: It was a shih tzu Q: Have you read the book Raising Dogs? A: No? you should it's a pup-up book. Q: What do you call a boy named Charlie walking his dog to the park? A: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!! Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice? A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang! Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena? A: I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs! Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster? A: Cockerpoodledoo! Q: What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories? A: A shaggy dogs tale! I asked my dog what's that thing on top of the house? And the he said ""Roof Roof"". What did the tree say to the dog? Tree: Do you like bark? Dog: What do you think? I bark every day of my life. Of course I do Apparently animals make different sounds according to different Languages. For example, in China a Dog makes a Sizzling noise. Would you like to buy a male dog or female dog? B**ch please. Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home! I have a dog named TAX and when I open the door; INCOME TAX. A little japanese breed dog bit a man and the owner got the shitzued out of him! A three legged dog walks in the bar and says - ""I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my paw"" Yo Momma is so ugly, her dog closes its eyes when it humps her leg. One dog was a great classical music composer...Johan Sebastian BARK! I went to a zoo yesterday it was rubbish as it only had 1 dog, so I went to ask for my money back as this was a shitzoo. Diplomacy is the art of saying ""good doggie"" while looking for a bigger stick. My puppy isn't fat, he's just a little husky. Draw eyebrows on your dog and laugh until he gets a bath. I went to the zoo today, there was only one animal. It was a shitzu. A girl is walking on the road with her dog. A municipality officer stops her and asks for her dogs license. But she says my dog is only seven he dosent drive. Man: I have a dog that doesn't have a nose. Other Man: And how does he smell? Man: Awful. Boy : When I get older I am getting a dog. Girl: Cool what's his name going to be. Boy: Naked. Girl: Why naked? Boy: So when my friend's come over I can tell them I am walking naked down the street. I bought a new pet dog and called it William. Three days later I got arrested for asking female work colleagues if they would like to see a picture of my Willie... Little Sister A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom. There little boy opens the door and says ""Daddy what are you doing to mama?"" Then the daddy says ""Making you a little sister"" And then the boy replies ""Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."" Rottweiler A man walks into a bar one day and asks, ""Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"" ""Yeah, I do!"" a biker says, standing up. ""What about it?"" ""Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."" ""What are you talkin' about?!"" the biker says, disbelievingly. ""How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"" ""Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"" Playing Chess A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. ""I can hardly believe my eyes!"" he exclaimed. ""That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."" ""Nah, he's not so smart,"" the friend replied. ""I've beaten him three games out of five."" Chihuahua Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to his friend, ""Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."" The guy with the Chihuahua said, ""We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."" The one with the Doberman said, ""Just follow my lead."" They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, ""Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."" The man with the Doberman said, ""You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."" The bouncer said, ""A Doberman pinscher?"" The man said, ""Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."" The bouncer said, ""Come on in."" The buddy with the Chihuahua figured what the heck, so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. He knew his would be more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, ""Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."" The man with the Chihuahua said, ""You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."" The bouncer said, ""A Chihuahua?"" The man with the Chihuahua said, ""A Chihuahua? They gave me a fricking Chihuahua?"" Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats 1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap. 2. Cats look silly on a leash. 3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place. 4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born. 5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is. 6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers. 7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all. 8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you. 9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain. 10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door. Dingo One day a lady took a dingo to the vet. The doctor looked at the dingo and shook his head. ""I'm sorry your dingo is dead"" said the doctor. ""How could you be so sure"" the lady said. So the man left the room and come back with a labrodore retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor left the room again and come back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the dingo and shook its head. The doctor said that the dingo was 100% dead. With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady. ""$400, why $400?"". The doctor replied ""If you had've believed me first it would of been $60"". ""But why still"" the lady insists. To which the doctor says ""Because you had a lab report and a cat scan!"" German Shepard ""I have beautiful dog, a German Shepard. She is an amazing creature. We have lots of fun together. I never do anything weird with her, except that I let her smell my crotch once in a while. I call my dog, Claudia Sniffer."" The Telegram A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: ""Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."" The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, ""There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."" The dog replied, ""but that would make no sense at all!"" Recliner There was a couple, the husband wanted a new recliner cause their dog chewed it all up. They went to the store and bought a new recliner, he went to his bedroom to get comfortable and came back to the living room finding his chair was all chewed up. He yelled out loud ""Shit Sue."" She said , ""Your write the Shitz tzu did it.""","{
    ""38"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 38,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
39,"2018-04-12 01:22:49","Dog Playing Chess Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. ""I can hardly believe my eyes!"" he exclaimed. ""That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."" ""Nah, he's not so smart,"" the friend replied. ""I've beaten him three games out of five.""","{
    ""39"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 39,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
40,"2018-04-12 01:22:50","Dolphin Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes What did the dolphin say when he posted bail? ""I'm off the hook!"" Why don't dolphins play basketball? Because there afraid of the net. Why don't dolphins pass their exams? Because they work below C-Level. Why did the dolphin cross the road? To get to the other tide. Why did the dolphin blush? Because it saw the oceans bottom. What did the magician say to the dolphin? Pick a cod, any cod! How did the dolphin find the World Wide Web? In a Net. How do dolphins travel long distances? They whale (hail) a cab. How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything! Where do dolphins sleep? In a water bed. What happened after the dolphin ate tainted fish? He lost his herring. Did you know that dolphins sometimes eat cephalopods like an octopus? Seriously, I'm not squidding. What do dolphins need to stay healthy? Vitamin Sea. Are the shows at Sea World fun? Dolphinately. What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune! What did the people say when they were waiting for the dolphins to jump? Water they waiting for! What did the dolphin say when the priest tossed him a fish? Holy Mackerel Telling people about different types of dolphins gives me porpoise. Fish Jokes Whale Jokes Miami Dolphins Jokes","{
    ""40"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 40,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"